Masks were taboo during my childhood. The rationale being that while wearing a mask you are more likely to do things you wouldn’t normally do–things you might be ashamed of.
The question I’ve been elbowing out of the way for a couple of months now is if an anonymous blog would be the cyber-equivalent of a mask. Because obviously the reason such a thing seems tempting is so that I can say the things I’d never say wearing my real face. Right?
Is this the mask? The one you put on in the grocery store checkout line, at high school reunions, and during Parent/Teacher conferences?
Call me 37 or whatever, but part of me wonders if I need to put on a mask temporarily just to find out who I really am… even while the other part of me suspects that really I just want to say things I shouldn’t.
Because, after all, the other thing our elders used to drill into our consciousness was, “If you have nothing good to say, say nothing at all.”
It isn’t that I want to say bad things; I want to say startling things; I want to confess to thought processes that might make other people think. But I also know that these confessions will mostly just make other people judge me or my family or the people with whom I associate.
But if these things are worth thinking about, writing about, standing behind–are they not then worth putting my own face to?
Obviously I haven’t been writing or talking much the past year; it’s all just been percolating.
But what is the use of thinking if it just sits in your brain and doesn’t impel you or anyone else to action?
Am I brave enough to say the things that should be said, kind enough to say the things that shouldn’t, and wise enough to know the difference?
So far I haven’t been. Mostly the wise part.