- The existence of phantom siblings. These are usually older, smarter, stronger, and way cooler than the average big brother or sister.
- That Mom or Dad is getting married. Girls will divulge minutely detailed wedding plans–dress, flowers, cake, the whole shebang. Interestingly enough, even the ones whose parents are already married will come out with this one.
- Allergies. Usually to vegetables, crusts or fruit peels, but occasionally allergies to things like sun, water, and even air will surface.
- Being sick/tired/injured when it's time to clean up.
- Who has the poopy diaper.
- What they can do–the amazing things they are capable of when nobody is looking.
- How old they really are.
- Rules at your house. ("At my house we never eat at a table. We don't even have a table." Ditto for seat belts, car seats, soap, socks, beds, and any cleaning supplies.)
- What you have for breakfast/lunch/dinner at your house. Please tell me they're making this up. (There was the kid who had never seen a vegetable peeler, a raw egg, or any type of batter or dough before–I believe her. I trust that the rest of you occasionally do more than open prepackaged foodstuffs in your kitchen.)
- The tortures you devise to punish them. (At night, when I'm asleep, my mom pushes carrots up my nose.) Or oddly enough, to celebrate. (When I pee on the toilet, I get ice cream, and my mommy pulls my hair hard–like this.) I know, I should probably report you to CPS, just to be on the safe side of the mandatory reporting law, but I'm going with my gut on this.
Monthly Archives: September 2009
Top Ten Things Your Children Lie About
Fish, Mice and Sixty-Dollar Spiders
Knuckle-Scrapers
Day of Rest
Cremating Grandma
Received two letters today for Grandma Antje. That's Dutch, in case you were wondering. She narrowly escaped Hitler's invasion of Holland and came to America to marry Grandpa Glenn. Most people call her "Onnie".
- She has never resided at this address.
- As a matter of fact, she died more than ten years ago–something like eight years before house or this address even existed.
How we get mail for her, with this address printed right there on the envelope, is a mystery. When she first died I spent several days calling the customer service departments of various catalogs and magazines to cancel her bounteous mailings, but it appears the computer system is having a dickens of a time letting this woman go. When mail began going back as undeliverable I suppose they somehow linked her name to us and updated their database with our address.
The Second Airplane
Letting Go
Lethal Goings-on in Fourth Grade Science
Red Hot Chili Tissues
I'm not a diehard when it comes to recycling–for one thing, Moses Lake doesn't have many options beyond newsprint–but I am a cheapskate and since I'm required to use paper towels for drying of hands, I do put them to double use sometimes. I might also wipe the sink down or wipe the peach juice off my chin. When I use a towel to dry out a cup before measuring sugar, I usually drop it on the microwave and then later use it to wipe up a spill or blow my nose–that sort of thing.
This is That Day
This is that day.