Why We Fought the Civil War (In Case You Were Wondering)


I just got back from an interview that has me reeling.

I find myself randomly throwing my hands up in the air and spinning around in a circle on one heel,  unexpectedly bursting out with comments like, “Seriously! Unbelievable!” and “You should have been there!”

Let me back up.

I serve as chairman of the GCRP candidate’s committee. If you want to run in our county for any position as a member of our party, you need to be vetted by us. We’ll make a recommendation based on your interview and your written responses.

Let’s just say that our recommendations from tonight’s interviews will contain one very strong NO. There isn’t a font large enough to emphasize the feeling behind that.

Our first interviewee was an outstanding example of well-informed,  articulate citizenship. I don’t care what  party he was running for, I would respect this man and his passion. He knew what he was talking about. He knew what we were talking about. He could answer a straight question.

The other one brought in a stack of papers.

It took me about  half an hour to realize that he wasn’t ever going to answer any question until we determined what in the world he was so obsessed with on his clipboard. Among other things, I found the state audit report–which I’m pretty sure he was convinced was documented evidence that Abraham Lincoln was actually the woman who pulled the trigger when JFK was burned at the stake.

Well, that’s an exaggeration. Probably gives him more credit than he deserves. I do my best to be fair and unbiased.

Favorite quote of the night: “That’s what we fought the Civil War for, wasn’t it? Them communists were trying to take away our property!”

Or something like that. I was too busy trying to make sense of the previous craziness that spilled from his mouth to really take good notes.

The most frightening thing about it is that this man served on our city council for years. Oh mercy me.

Please. If you are a registered voter in this county this November, drop me a line. I have a few names to add to your blacklist.

7 responses to “Why We Fought the Civil War (In Case You Were Wondering)

  • Joel

    Is he totally unaware that Republicans were NOT on the side of private property rights in the Civil War war? At least he’s only in politics and not teaching history.

    • kimberlybbert

      Ha! Joel, I’m not sure this man was aware of much of anything except his own brilliance. (And isn’t it funny–how the political parties have changed over the history of this country?!)

  • Jane Payne

    Oh mercy. I’m so glad you’re on the committee. Are you still running for precinct committee chairman?

  • Jane Payne

    Same with Calvin. I didn’t know you were on the committee, but I’m glad. Keep us posted.

  • Flamingo Dancer

    that Abraham Lincoln was actually the woman who pulled the trigger when JFK was burned at the stake.


    Have to comment though, that is what most Australians would think all Republicans were like.

    • kimberlybbert

      Yeah. I don’t know much about the Democratic membership, but I know that the Republicans attract some seriously …interesting… folks. Maybe it’s because we don’t charge dues, so all the crazies can afford us? Who knows. I’m not even sure I’m a Republican, actually. I got put on this committee by default when I attended a meeting as chaperon for my underage, yet college-attending daughter, and voiced my opinions about our current pathetic political/economic climate. Every time I go I get voluntold to lead some committee or other. Huh.

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