Lint Dropper

There is a woman in my town who I probably only run into once a year or so–and I haven’t known her  long, so I could probably count on my fingers the number of times I’ve had the pleasure of conversing with her.

I do, however, associate with people who know her well, and so her name and/or projects she is working on frequently come across my radar.

What bothers me is how much she bothers me.

Because I like to think of myself as this broadminded, non-judgmental, forgiving type and the only thing she has ever done to me is, well… pretty much nothing. Yeah, I could point out a few insensitive comments here and there, but if you took those comments and set them down beside other offenses I have long ago completely forgiven significantly more villainous people it would be like comparing, I don’t know: this bit of fluff I just picked off my sweater to a woolly mammoth, fully reincarnated.

And yet I cannot like her. I cannot even hear her name without some inner uhhhg-meter buzzing off the charts.

It’s ridiculous. Because If I had to, I could get up in a public meeting and give her a glowing introduction; she is a fine specimen of motherhood, civic service, all-around girl scout extraordinaire.

Is it jealousy?

Uh… nope. Just did a soul-searching inventory, and I wouldn’t trade places with her for anything.

So what is it that makes my lip involuntarily curl when I hear her name? What is it that makes me excuse myself from any conversation that involves her or from commenting on anything she has ever had a hand in? For a long time I’ve been perplexed by this question because I’m not accustomed to loathing people and yet I cannot shake this one.

But I think it just came to me–as I was wandering around, trying to understand why I hate a lint-dropper as though she were a mammoth. I think it’s the same feeling I have toward certain other individuals in my life whose effect on me really isn’t up for examination because I never associate with them and so pretty much forget they exist.

People who cannot, but attempt, to disguise their antipathy toward me: my social class, my life choices or whatever it is about me that makes their uhhhg-meter buzz of the charts.

(How dare everyone not adore me? I mean really.)

Are those the  people we find the hardest to love? The ones who make us feel somewhat less than human?

And is it okay to co-exist like that–just accept that there are people you will never see eye to eye with? Are we under any sort of obligation to actually love those enemies or can we just avoid them? Hmmm?

Ha! And how many of you, reading this, are suddenly seized by a dread that I might be talking about you?

Relax: I guarantee that if you’re reading this, you’re not her; she would never stoop to reading the banality of commoners such as us.


7 responses to “Lint Dropper

  • psphoenix

    lip snarl hunh? Have you tried…. tape….? (tee hee)
    Anywho. I find my snarl meter goes off when I have some unmet need that somehow my subconscious sees that person recieving. Something I didn’t think I needed.

    • kimkiminy

      I’d always known that I wanted to be married. But fate didn’t bring my husband to me until I was 33 years old. Before that time? HATED weddings. Avoided them if at all possible, hated having to go to the ones I couldn’t avoid. Hated seeing all that damn happiness and domestic bliss waved under my nose. And I hated myself for feeling so selfish and hateful. Can’t I just be happy for them? Apparently, no.

      • kimberlybbert

        Wow, I completely relate to you on the wedding thing. It wasn’t weddings I hated (I got married young) but I recognize the feeling! I think its funny that we punish ourselves for feeling that way–we can’t help but feel selfish and hateful, but I guess as long as we don’t act selfish and hateful, then there’s hope for us, right?

  • kimkiminy

    Wow, I need to leave a separate comment for psphoenix.

    Yes, there will be people in life who just don’t like you for whatever reason. I know there have been folks who just put me off instantly. I don’t try to analyze why, I just try to be polite and avoid that person in the future. There’s probably no reason, no *real* reason. Maybe they remind me of someone I genuinely hated, or maybe it’s their smell…

    No, you are under no obligation to make everyone love you. Except those you place on yourself.

    • psphoenix

      I completely agree on the being polite and avoid the person in the future- at least shield ourselves from them. No one likes to be hated. And I can honestly say I don’t hate anyone- just for me when I feel really negative feelings I have found it’s not them but what I see them as recieving that I wanted, but didn’t realize I wanted. I chuckled at the smell comment- Totally true! I completely avoid people that have nasty strong smells! HA!

  • Ruth

    hmmm – perhaps the question is not if you love them but if they love you – obviously this person that doesn’t stoop considers some not loveable – at least not as loveable or deserving or whatever let’s the distinctions be felt so sharply – I don’t think you really have a hate bone in you and what you may be feeling is love – real sorrow for someone that doesn’t get ‘it’ – doesn’t understand the worth of all others – I always feel such pity for anyone that feels/acts superior – they are sad people in need of real charity and love. Let me add I don’t foist my company on them however – giggle!

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