Monthly Archives: April 2010

Saved By The Bus

According to the calendar somebody tacked on the bathroom wall, yesterday was national "No housework" day. 
In honor of that, the toddlers tore up the rubber matting I had on the floor of the daycare room while I was retrieving a can of peaches. One hundred and fifty square feet of interlocking rubber tiles upended in less than sixty seconds. 
They must have been coordinating that for weeks.
Just in case someone from the CDC is reading this, I won't tell you what was under the mats; suffice it to say that I had to violate the principles of the day and scrub the entire 150 feet with Clorox. 
My room now looks like this:
Somewhat cold and hard on little noggins, but…sterile. 
(Those children aren't recognizable are they? I suppose I should fuzz out their faces or something…)
I haven't had time to wash the backs of the mats and dry them thoroughly yet, but…
I was kind of hoping that without them, the older school aged children–who have as much energy at 6 a.m. as I've had in my entire life–would maybe cut down on the wrestling/gymnastics they generally engage in every morning.
I thought maybe they'd consider the tile floor and choose, instead to…I don't know, read a book?
Silly me. 
There is a PARTY ON THE DANCE FLOOR!!!! at my house this morning.
Just in case you couldn't understand me if I used my indoor voice. 
The ring leader is ten; she knows all the moves and all the lyrics and when she doesn't, she makes them up on the fly. The little girls think she is a goddess. The boys are pretending to learn the moves too, but really they are making fun of her inside the collars of their shirts. What else are brothers and cousins for but to keep you humble, right?
Oh boy. 
They've figured out the physics of socks+tile floor+all that energy they came with.
Oh look, darn it. It's time for the bus…

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Brilliant

My daughter's high school has come up with an innovative fundraising idea:
They have a recorded track–playing a continual loop on the PA system before and after school, at lunch and between classes–of an extremely obnoxious child singing nonsense lyrics. At top volume.

They told the students and staff that the song will be turned off when the donation jar contains $1000.
I'm guessing they'll reach their goal. Very soon.



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Lost Opportunities

I knew child-sized straight jacket wasn't unethical. I knew it!  And to think I let the marketing opportunity slip away… 

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Propping Up My Eyelids With Apple Fritters

So…
You know when you are a "new" mother and your eyes are bloodshot and the kid hasn't slept in four years and all the chubby middle aged women are patting your hand and smiling and saying completely non-helpful things like "oh, just wait until they are teenagers so you'd better enjoy this while it lasts"?
They were right.

Darn it.
I should have put my kids in a dark corner of the basement and let them scream themselves to sleep because at least I would have known exactly where they were and what they were doing right?
And I could have put in earplugs or something and gone to sleep for a few hours. (I was one of those mothers who never let her babies cry–DAH–don't. Don't tell me your opinion on that. It's too late. I don't want to know.)
Honestly, I'm glad she's enjoying spring break. Hanging out with good friends, in homes where the parents are home supervising the hanging out. I know she's safe and being good
What I don't know is what time I have to pick her up. 
What I do know is what time I have to get up in the morning, because spring break doesn't translate for those of us who are employed. And that this is the third night (or morning even) in a row I'll be up late.
I also don't know…if maybe she got a ride and she's already home…sleeping in her own bed…which would explain why she isn't answering the cell phone I got her for instances just like this…
Nope. I just crept into her room and eyed the mound of blankets of bed, in the moonlight, watching for a pulse. Finally flipped on the light. Reminds me of the good old days when we'd bend over the crib in the middle of the night, trying to figure out if the critter was still breathing. 
Didn't happen much. The kid never slept. But when she did it was disconcerting.
Oh, and those chubby middle aged women? The other thing they didn't tell me is why they were filling out so nicely. Because of all the crap they were eating, trying to keep their eyes open. 

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Oh, That I Were Fooling

Finally took down my Christmas tree. 
Scratch that; I paid my daughter to take it down. 
You think I'm just getting into the spirit of April Fool's day, but it's the truth–I simply couldn't go into the second quarter with the tree still standing. 
Especially since it went up before Halloween. It's been decorated for six months.

SO not okay.
About seven months ago we decided to build a garage to replace the shed out back. This entailed tearing down the shed…which entailed bringing the contents of the shed inside. So that my bedroom looks like this:
 
(You like my new front door there in the corner?)
And my dining room looks like this:
Need I go on? There are rooms that don't contain shed stuff, but not many. Just the rooms in which I do daycare, really.
Anyway, after stepping over the tree for a month, we let the kids put it up, all intervening holidays aside; it takes up less room in the vertical position, you see. And then the empty ornament boxes can be stacked inside one another, too. Unfortunately the County Building department was not very cooperative and the process drug on, and on and everything is still in my house.
Despite the historical accuracy of early spring being Christ's birth, and the fact that the tree took up less room decorated and standing, I just couldn't bear to have it up through Easter.
So it all came down.  Tree, nativity, all of it. Cost me $20, and the tree is back on the dining room floor but now I can see out my windows. 
Don't you love the airy, post-Christmas decor feeling of a living room, newly stripped? 

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