Pinata Police

Santa Clara County has decided to ban the inclusion of toys with certain fast food meals: if you order fries with your child's meal, then you don't get a toy; if you order apple slices, you do.

Personally, I'd love to see all small plastic toys banned from sale/trade/existence: they are unimaginative, obnoxious and wasteful–typical of the throw-away, materialistic mentality that is rotting our culture from the inside out.

But this law? Seriously?

You're going to specify, by nutritive value, how to package food? That my friends, is myopic government run amok.

By this standard:

• All sugary cereals should be packaged in unappealing bags and boxes. 

• Pinatas should be of dull and muted color and shape, or, alternatively, contain fresh fruits and vegetables.

• Birthday cakes should be monochromatic, sport no characters resembling toys, animals, or anything else that could be construed as appealing to children.

• The contents of prepackaged Christmas stockings and Easter baskets sold to the public must meet minimum nutritional standards.

• Department stores shouldn't be able to market any sort of holiday-themed treat aimed at children–no Halloween candy, no candy-containing valentines, no peeps.

• Only 100 percent fruit and vegetable juices should be sold in colorful, child friendly sizes and/or ergonomically shaped beverage containers. 

• Grocery stores shouldn't be able to place unhealthy snacks on the lower shelves of aisles at the checkout–clearly parents do not possess the ability to say no, and need regulations to protect their children's healthy eating habits.

On second thought, maybe parents should be stripped of all decision making powers, because, obviously, they are all more idiotic than the government members seated in the county of Santa Clara.

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